Newspapers report on important matters, of course, as one cannot help but infer from this stern warning I read in the Sunday paper: “Different points of few are critical in our democracy.” Ahem. But hard as the editors may try to remain serious, they cannot avoid being funny at times. Usually this happens when double meanings creep into a text. The other day I read a traveler’s evaluation of a trip in our local newspaper: “We had a lovely time. Stayed at Casa las Tortugas, ate many meals at its restaurant and also at Milpa; my husband had the octopus.” Sorry to hear about that. Thank God it was not the Flu. I also learned that cannibalism is apparently in vogue again. Netflix says nearly 60% of its subscribers consume kids and family content every month. Shades of A Modest Proposal, I thought. And I am not even Irish.
Some of these bloopers are not so much humorous as they are challenging. A notice announcing an upcoming local election in Laguna Beach, California, reads like a test question for Math 101: “Each of seven applicants will seek one of four spots on the Arts Commission. With the Housing and Human Services Committee increasing its membership to nine members, six candidates are expected to fill six eligible spots. Each of four applicants will seek one of two spots on the Planning Commission. Eight applicants will vie for one of five spots on the Emergency/Disaster Preparedness Committee. Three candidates will vie for three spots on the Personnel Board.” Here is the question: If each winner gets 8 oz of champagne, how many bottles of bubbly must the commissioner order? Good luck!
Newport Beach, my home town, is home to many boats and boat-related enterprises. People on boats still get seasick from time to time. To prevent that from happening some engineering company recently demonstrated a new type of device that would eliminate sea sickness. An ad in the paper warned that the device was “the size of a chest freezer.” I had to read this twice to understand that this device was a gyroscope about the size of a freezer chest. Good thing. I was a little worried about my already damaged lungs and that on my planned excursion to Catalina Island I might have to sit in the cooler.
In nearby Temecula, I found out, “Food aficionados can try unlimited samples from local wineries.” I thought I would wait till they bring out the limited stuff!
Editors often have to carefully tiptoe around delicate matters. A review of the new Honda CR-V praises the improvements to the front seats. They are more adjustable and they come now with heating and ventilating options. I could not think of a more tactful way of saying this. Puts the Beano ads to shame.
A jailbreak in California was blamed on the plumbing system “which the inmates used to gain access to the roof.” Don’t try this at home, I would say. Those guys were super thin! In the report on a burglary the get-away car was “believed to be a black Mercedes R-class SUV with paper plates.” Thank God they left us the napkins.
And thanks be to the Old Man for having added laughter to his creation.