This man we knew had a sharp mind. Unlike many other old men he had kept his youthful and optimistic outlook. Although he understood that the world was full of problems he was not going to let that bother him. There had been fears of worldwide tuberculosis outbreaks, for example. He maintained that a remedy would be found and he was right. Though not completely eradicated, the disease was eventually controlled. When it became obvious that our cities were going to be choked by exhaust fumes he predicted that within years cleaner engines would be developed and he was right on that, too. In time he convinced himself that most, if not all, our fears and problems were in our minds, not anchored in reality.
This attitude of seeing no evil, hearing no evil made life easy for him. If you brought up the subject of, say, water shortage he would say that it was nonsense, that there was plenty of water, that the problem was government overregulation. If you told him that sea levels were rising he would laugh and tell you that comparative data collected over the last hundred years show nothing of the sort. Forests dying on account of acid rain? Yeah, that’s a problem he might admit. All it takes to correct that, he would suggest, was tougher enforcement of existing regulations. The corals are dying? Well, that is nature’s effort to balance things out in the face of ocean water changes. The Pink Eyed Squirrel faces extinction? So what? As Darwin has told us their place will be taken up by the Grey Eyed Squirrel, which is a much stronger species. The Sahel is drying out? Not to worry. He had the figures back to the sixteen hundreds which prove that the Sahel was then and still is a dry region, hence not a problem. Hurricanes are getting more severe? Not so. We have always been getting four or five every year. We just hear more about them because of television. It is probably a conspiracy, he claimed, to cash in on increased viewership which translates into advertising revenue. People love to see catastrophes.
Invariably of course the topic of global warming would come up. Sure the glaciers are melting, he would say. They do that every summer. Then we have a cold winter again, and the balances is restored. The North Pole is melting? Rubbish. Polar ice is five meters thick, he happened to know. You can build a house on it.
By coincidence an old college friend of his was involved in a scientific project in the Arctic. This friend invited him to come and see the station. True enough, he found himself vindicated: there were not only houses on the ice, there even was a runway for aircraft. Triumphant, he set out for a long hike into that bleak majestic blinding white landscape. Two or three miles or so from the station, the sun still shining bright, the ice cracked and moved under his feet. He was just about to deny this event as well but it was too late.
As he arrived at the Pearly Gates the friendly Saint on duty handed him a towel: “Here, dry yourself first. I bet that water was cold.” “Oh, I did not get wet,” he replied. “I am just perspiring a little.”
(c) 2018 by Herbert H. Hoffman