Lately I notice an uptick in discussions about what is proper to wear, or not to wear. Until last week I had never heard of the nineteenth century English writer C.F. Forbes who reportedly brought religion into the discussion when she stated that “the sense of being well-dressed gives a feeling of inward tranquility which religion is powerless to bestow”. I assume she was a humorist. But even if she wasn’t I still think that is funny.
It is funny to me because it reminds me of an anecdote involving some young women somewhere in Polynesia, some time in the late 1800s, who thought they were very well dressed, and thus well equipped for inward tranquility, and probably not in need of religion for this purpose. They were assembled there on the occasion of the visit of an important cleric from England, a bishop.
The Bishop, of course, was also well dressed for the tropics, all in black and a stiff collar, true to the stereotype of mad dogs and Englishmen. The young ladies’ outfits, on the other hand, were grass skirts designed for lower body coverage only. When the Bishop’s handler stepped off the ship he could see right away that this was not going to work. He explained to the women’s chaperone that so many bare breasts would surely offend His Eminence the Bishop’s modesty. The woman obliged, probably mumbled something like “chaqu’un à son gout”, and gave a command to the girls. They promptly lifted up their skirts to cover their chests.
But even a grass skirt cannot serve two masters at the same time. It’s either upstairs or downstairs. We do not know what the bishop said, or if he even was able to say anything when confronted with this situation. I would assume that this is when the classical education of an English gentleman pays off. He must have known his Dante. The good advice from Purgatory must have shot into his mind: “Non ragioniam di lor, ma guarda, e passa” — one read such things in the original in those days — “Let’s not talk about that. Just look and move on”.
(c)2017 by Herbert H. Hoffman
Picture credit morguefile