Month: February 2017

Clothes define the man, goes a German saying. When the Germans say it in their language, the word “man” is neutral, not masculine. It includes both genders, or all three, as the case may be. Usually, though, we think of fashion in terms of women’s clothes. Fashion is a fashionable word. It evokes the general idea of elegance and style, something diametrically opposed to what we tend to wear every day. It is all right to dream, though. That is why so many shopping centers and malls include the word in their names. I don’t know how many Fashion Plazas, there are, or Fashion squares, Fashion Islands, Fashion Marts, Fashion Emporia, Fashion Rows, or Worlds of Fashion, not to mention Fashion-Are-Us. What they sell, though, is stuff people wear. Which has nothing to do with fashion, paradoxically enough. If you want to experience fashion you must study the magazines from Bazaar to Women’s Wear Daily. That is where you will see flowing robes in exciting colors, cut to fit gorgeous models, with or without décolleté, slit from foot to hip on one side or both. Widely flared pants decorated with ribbons and bows and worn with more or less outrageous tops of semi diaphanous material. The bold patterns, the generous cuts, the exaggerated decorations and accessories — it is all so beautiful and exciting to see. But, well, you are not likely to find an invitation to a cocktail party in the mail box today. As a matter of fact, admit it: you are on your way to Costco.

Men have choices, too. Most are not nearly as gorgeous looking as the young muscular sun tanned Esquire models, shined shoes, striped shirts with golden cufflinks, tie, jacket and all. But it would be nice to look good. At least some men think so. But come morning, the majority put on their jeans, athletic shoes, and windbreakers. The concept of fashion or elegance has no real meaning for them.

There used to be occasions, however, when men and women did dress up, as it was called. One would not dream to attend, say, a concert or a theatre performance in one’s street clothes, let alone one’s dirty shorts and tennis shoes. The better restaurants had dress codes. Jackets were de rigueur. On cruises formal wear was expected. Those were the days when fashion actually mattered.

But the times have changed. There has been a definite rise in lifestyles. Going to concerts, theatres, restaurants, and taking cruises became popular and affordable. Fashion, however, remained were it was: in the magazines. Street clothes became the new formal wear. A dressed-up person now sticks out, a snob in a concert hall full of ordinary decent folks. A man wearing a suit and tie just does not “belong” any more, the only exception being a real estate agent about to close a deal, or maybe a stock broker meeting a client.

For a long time I did not want to believe that things were going that way. On the few occasions I had to attend a dinner in proper surroundings, the Ritz for example, I thoroughly enjoyed being in the company of elegant people, eating and drinking from Spode porcelain, being served by polite attendants wearing white gloves. No, I thought, this will never change. We are civilized. Even at home my Dad always put on a proper shirt at dinner. It is just unthinkable, I told myself, that somebody would show up at 4 o’clock tea, for example, wearing flip-flops, athletic shorts, and a baseball cap turned front to back. You think so too? Think again: I have seen it done.

My wife and I now drink our tea at home, in pajamas or gym clothes, out of mugs. Using tea bags, too. The world must be going to pieces.

©2017 by Herbert H. Hoffman

Picture credit: EVOKE.ie

Diligent Bible readers know that “Who ever has will be given more.” The neighbor with the Tesla XP100D parked in the driveway comes to mind. And the biblical text (Luke 18:8) continues: “But who ever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken away from him”. No wonder some have and others have not. I come from a German Have Not family. One way you can tell is that nobody we knew had a car. I remember how astonished I was when I heard that in America a certain make-work building project for the unemployed had difficulties because there were no parking places for the cars of the unemployed. We who were fully employed, on the other hand, had lots of places to park but no cars to do it with. Life seemed absurd to me even then.
I now live among the Haves, however. I know that because many of my neighbors have been given more than fits in the house. That is why they have to store things in the garage and why one sees so many cars, very expensive cars often, parked in the driveway. I often wonder why people would take such risks. We do have burglaries. Several cars have been broken in and two were stolen in the neighborhood only recently.
But then I learned that car thiefs don’t steal cars to drive around in them. They steal them in order to dismantle them and sell the parts to fences who then peddle them cheaply to do-it-yourself mechanics. Owners of high end cars seldom do their own repairs. There would not be much of a market for used luxury car spare parts. Handling the cheaper cars’ parts, on the other hand, promises rewards. Take the Toyota “Camry”, for example. Half a million units of that model alone were sold last year in the United States. If parked in the driveway, your Camry is not safe. Can’t you just hear the car thief snicker as he tries to imagine the face you will make when you step out of the house in the morning, keys in hand, looking for the Camry you parked there, you thought?
The experience, sad as it is, might give you a few ideas however. I do not know what the situation is in your family but when my brothers and I were young we were impossible, I understand. Our father more than once suggested that the only way to get peace in the house was to put all three of us out in the street at night. Someone would come by and take us. Trouble is, he would add, they would bring you back first thing in the morning.
It does not work this way with old Camries, however, even if the transmission was shot and the brakes already worn down to the metal. So, say good bye to the old girl for good and get yourself a BMW i8. I bet I know where you will find space to park this one..
(c)2017 by Herbert H. Hoffman

Picture credit: Morguefile